“But by the grace of God I am what I am . . .”
When the last of the baby’s toys have been picked sluggishly from the living room floor, after the day’s final battle between three children hashing it out over the last cookie and long since my last nerve has been frazzled for quite some time, sometimes I simply sit in the silence of the evening hush-a-bye and wait for the voice of God.
Though many times I think it is because it’s too loud in this house to hear ANYTHING, God is often quick to remind me that most of the time it’s not the sounds around me that need quieting but the ones within. At the end of the day, usually I feel a sense of accomplishment – but sometimes I simply feel like I’m not good enough.
I think about how sometimes despite a pantry full of pancake ingredients, I let the kids eat leftover cake for breakfast because it’s a lot easier to serve with a baby in my hand. I look in the dirty mirror and scold myself for wearing my nightgown all day. I think of how I snapped at one of the kids because they spilled another glass of kool-aid in the kitchen floor. I think of how I rolled my eyes at my husband because he failed to word something just the way I wanted it. Yes: at the end of the day, in the quiet of the night, it’s clear that God is right. Even when the outside is still as can be, the inside is louder than ever.
As I remind God of all that’s wrong with me, it’s here in these moments that God cradles me within His loving arms and reminds me instead that I’m enough. After all, He says He “chose me.” (John 15:16) And while I know that He knows I’m far from flawless He reminds me that no one is perfect. He reminds me that I’m not loved out of obligation but loved out of some kind of grace I can’t even begin to understand.
Grace hung on the cross not only for those who loved Him and treated Him like the Savior He was; He suffered for the kiss of Judas. He wept for the ways of Pilate. He bled for the very men who nailed Him to the tree. Isn’t that an amazing grace? Doesn’t it leave you searching for words?
This kind of indescribable grace is something we all need from time to time. I know for me, sometimes when the day has been too long, when I’ve snipped at everyone in my path and stepped on their toes as I walked away, despite the way I’m feeling, despite the way I’m acting and the last thing I want is to be left alone, it’s right at that moment that I need indescribable grace.
Is there someone you are withholding grace from?
Has someone hurt you?
Has someone betrayed your trust or stepped on your toes?
No matter what, I pray that you’ll have the courage and the grace to give love that’s indescribable. After all, loving someone simply because we “have to:” that’s religion. But loving someone despite their flaws because . . . because . . . we can’t even find the words for why?