Guilt, Guilt, Guilt and What to Do With It

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This winter a family of very intelligent and incredibly persistent mice took up residence in our house. Despite sealing off sinks and other little nooks and crannies, the little boogers decided to find a nice little spot to chew through in the kitchen floor – over and over again. Needless to say, I’ve spent a good amount of the month jumping up on the bed yelping “Ahhhhhhh, mouse!” and/or running away in horror when I found one in my craft closet. 

But the last straw was when we found two little “Christmas presents” on the bed where the baby sleeps. I will spare you the details. 

Even though I come from a long line of hunters, I have ALWAYS had trouble killing anything. In fact, I love to fish but only if I can throw whatever I catch back. (Although I’m usually in no danger of that . . . my line usually ends up mangled in a tree.) I would even miss on purpose when the grownups took me squirrel hunting with a BB gun. Which brings me to my guilt, guilt, guilt.

After honest to goodness giving the mice a speech and pleading with them to leave, my kids thought I’d finally lost it. I don’t think I ever had it – but that’s a story for another day. “Go out into the world!” I shouted. “You are the chosen ones! Go warn your little ratty brothers and sisters that this is the day of salvation! Go! Save yourselves! I don’t want to have to hurt you but I will. Now, please, go make disciples of all nations.” 

But after we put out rat poison, and believe me, we’ve tried the humane ways, I cried last night after seeing the bait empty. So somewhere in my house or outside of it is a little mousy that I murdered or worse . . . a little mousy marked for death.

I don’t know about ya’ll but guilt just might be a worse feeling than anger or sadness. Guilt is like a mix of every emotion but the worst part is how it sits in your spirit. It stirs up bubbles you never knew where there. You thought what you did wouldn’t bother you – until you did it. Now you’re soul feels tossed like a summer salad.  

My guilt was over premeditated mousy homicide, but I’ve had the other kinds of guilt too. Guilt for losing my temper. Guilt for hurting someone’s heart. Guilt for disobeying God. Guilt for secrets. Guilt for a multitude of sins. That horrible feeling you get, that feeling where you can’t think of anything else – well that’s the bad thing about guilt. And somehow it’s the good thing too. That feeling is what stirs our hearts and encourages us to seek comfort and redemption from our Father, the only one able to take away that feeling and help us to make better decisions in the future.

Are you feeling guilty about anything today? When your heart stirs with that icky mixed up feeling, carry your guilt to the one who paid the ultimate price for it. In His arms is the comfort you seek and the promise of beauty for the ashes you’ve created. 

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8 thoughts on “Guilt, Guilt, Guilt and What to Do With It

  1. An almost exact scenario played out in my parents home many years ago. I still feel the quilt.” We do earnestly repent for these our misdoing, most merciful Father . . .”

  2. Hard to write, yet soooo well written. You have us “right there with you”. I understand the feeling….my version is my Christmas Tree and my caged birds….and those are only similar, NOT the same. Hugs to your sweet heart my friend. Yes, your heart is worthy of the hugs, grin.

    Don’t forget that you are called to take care of your children (and your own health), and that, too, is a high calling; That mice carry disease, and thus puts everyone at risk. It’s not like you did it for the fun of it. And that counts in the bigger scheme of things.

    We set-to-rights those things we can, carry the understanding and responsibility when we can’t. (or when other decisions are necessary for a different good)…..and live respectfully and honorably, with love as we travel thru each moment we are in.

    Love you.

    • Aw, thanks, Bug! 🙂 You’re right. I will try to look at it as protecting the babies . . . not being a mean old mousy killer.

      Love all the things you’ve said… and love you most of all.

  3. Such a powerful, tear-inspiring post … and the look on that little mousie’s face … you did all you could … may we not take the bait of sin … may we escape whilst there is still time … taking the message of salvation wherever we are led.

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